operation harelip BJ is a go
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
