Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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