One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize