The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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