His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
