my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
