u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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