I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
