great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
