All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
