Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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