i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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