last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
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ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
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Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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