Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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