apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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