Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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