I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
