And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
