Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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