You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
