dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
false alarm. still invincible.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
