Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
