I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
