She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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