sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
only if we run a train.
done.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
