we're blogging at a bar
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
