Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
