If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
