I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
