And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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