haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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