Girls should come with a carfax report
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize