someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
