The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
