Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My vagina is officially offended.
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