Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
