He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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