I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
