Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
