if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
