Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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