no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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