Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
