I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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