You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
