Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
