Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
