You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My liver just had a heart attack.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
