i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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