How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So much rum. So many feels.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
