I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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