Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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