oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
