butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
