she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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