went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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