It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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