somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
