Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
