If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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