Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
