She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize