girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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