well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
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Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
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He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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