hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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