Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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