i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
