I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
