I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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