We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
