I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
