i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
