The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
